Smoke & Mirrors

It’s really hard to put yourself out there.  Like really, really hard. You open yourself up to judgement, scrutiny, assumptions and expectations.  But on the flip side, you also allow yourself to be open to love, support, personal growth, and hopefully, making an impact.  It is definitely a balance that you pray leans in your favor. 

I have experienced love and support and it has come from the most unexpected places.

This has been the most special and humbling part of putting myself out there, not realizing how much you are supported by those you never knew were even paying attention to you! And not to mention also feeling the love from complete strangers.

Honestly though, this isn’t all about rainbows and unicorns.  Of course, everything you see on social media looks great and perfect most of the time. It’s mostly smoke and mirrors.  We often portray the illusion that we all have our sh*t together. 

I know that it may appear on the surface that I know what I am doing. It may seem as though I had all this extra time on my hands to sit around and write a book (or two, yes, I ended up writing two).  Unfortunately, that isn’t really the case or premise under which this book was born, and I feel that it is important to share just a little snippet of my backstory -what is behind all the smoke and mirrors, so that anyone who reads this will understand my ‘why'.

For over the last three years, I have been a completely stressed out for a ton of different reasons.  I am not going to talk about those reasons because I don’t want to open myself up that much right now.  Just know that things are not what they seem all the time from what is portrayed by me on social media.  Some of us do a really good job of putting on a smile and refocusing when the world around us feels like it is filled with dark clouds, obstacles constantly in the way, and completely against us.  The amount of stress some of us live and face is unbearable and while there is always someone going through a worse hell, your own hell is what can consume you. 

This has been my life for a while. I have been consumed by things beyond my control. I have had a choice everyday to let it win, or I could do everything in my power to keep fighting the good fight—and there have been many. There have been countless days when I would want to throw in the towel, curl up with a neat whiskey, and raise up the white flag-but somehow, I didn’t.  I decided I was going to take control in any way I could and fight back. I was going to fight for the ‘B’ that is ME.

I had an ah ha! moment one night in early November and realized that I needed an outlet, and that very night, I finally started to write. I needed a distraction and something to focus my energy on and writing proved to be incredibly therapeutic.  I am not even a writer, had no idea what I was doing, but it just flowed. So much so that I ended up writing a second book.  For myself, this was a labor of love and a means to keep my sanity and have something to look forward to. It became my light. I looked forward to holding onto my own sanity and identity each time my fingers typed. 

And it’s true, I didn’t tell a single soul that I was writing because firstly, I didn’t actually know if I would get anywhere with it once I was finished, and secondly, I wanted to do it for me without the added stress of the opinions of what I should or shouldn’t be writing about. And here we are….

This is why when I put myself out there and can feel the love back, I am truly humbled and feeding off of that love right now.  It’s been my baby and my light, and I thank you for shining it back so brightly. I started to feel a little twinge of guilt like I shouldn’t be so excited and happy, anyone can write a book—but then came to my senses and am owning the fact that this is my accomplishment I can look back on, right in this very moment even.

I can say I did it. And I did it for me. I will take my own advice and allow myself to relish in it and have something to be excited about and look forward to right now.  I can feel some of the smoke dissipating and the light is starting to shine through and reflect onto me.  

Xo

Gina

SELFish AF

Oh...did you think the 'AF' meant something else?! I won't lie, I feel that is the ultimate goal here, to be SELFish AF and love your whole self without reservation or guilt. We will get there with the right mindset and Focus. For right now let's have the F stand for FOCUSED for the time being.

If living for others and focusing on someone else’s needs before your own is selfless and good, then why is focusing on ourselves usually considered selfish and bad?

When we place focus on our own self, improvement, love, worth and personal development, we ultimately become happier and more positive. This fosters a stronger and more compassionate spirit, the striving to be a become a better person. It is not selfish because bringing out the best of your Self will certainly benefit friends, family members and all of those whom you love and encounter.

It’s important to be SELFish And Focused because when we are happy, those around us are influenced to feel happiness. When we are positive and tranquil, those around us will feel more positive and tranquil, too. When we strive every day to bring out the best of ourselves, others around us necessarily benefit. In this way, focusing on ourselves is not selfish; we actually serve to better ourselves on behalf of others.

Stay Selfishly focused and let go of the guilt…

The definition of selfishness is to be more concerned with our own interests, needs, and wishes while explicitly ignoring those of others. Being selfish means that you show that your personal needs and wishes are thought to be more important than those of other people. To be primarily self-concerned is to necessarily neglect others. But by these definitions, couldn’t striving to better ourselves through introspection and inner growth be considered selfish, as well?

Am I endorsing people to be more selfish? Nope…

When we selfishly focus on ourselves with the goal of becoming a better person, we are not acting selfishly so long as the betterment of who we are on the inside will benefit those around us, from our families and friends to coworkers and strangers we encounter every day.

There is a connectedness between how our mood and actions can influence the mood and actions of others. When we are on our inner journey to improve our Self– we can actually come to improve the lives of those around us because more compassionate, happier, and positive people have a direct influence on everyone he or she encounters and interacts with.

Improving Our Self is Improving Our Health

An equivalent of self-improvement and personal development through which one strives to better the Self in an unselfish way is focusing on your own health through exercise, eating well and self-care activities. I am pretty sure that very few of us would ever consider exercising, eating healthily or taking a nice hot bath as selfish acts, and yet they place deliberate focus and attention upon one’s Self.

Improving our inner selves necessarily benefits those around us, too. If we live healthier lifestyles, we are lengthening our lives not only for ourselves but for our families and friends and all of those around us.

Showing concern for our self over others is selfish. But when we strive to become happier and more positive, work to foster a stronger and more compassionate spirit and become better people, we explicitly place attention on the development of ourselves for the benefit of those around us.

In this way, we focus on ourselves without being selfish, because bringing out the best of us is what’s best for others.

So, I invite you to join the rest of us that are on a mission to be more selfish and finally free ourselves from the stigma that is associated with that philosophy.

Who’s with me?