It’s Hard to be the Merry Maker…

Ok so here is where I’m at.  I have been thinking about these things all weekend and have had these thoughts circling around inside my head so figured why not write about it.  It may help to just get them out in this form.  While I really and truly try to stay positive as much as I can, heck I declare myself an eternal optimist and hell if I am going to post something that veers off that path—but it is what it is today.  Truth is, while I am as much as an optimist as I can be, sometimes it’s just exhausting and those rose-colored glasses can get really fogged up.

So I have been thinking about a lot of things as I often do around the holidays and as we come up on a new year that also brings a new beginning.  However, I am three and a half months already into my new beginning.  I just don’t publicize it.  I posted something on Facebook on my 39^th birthday this summer that this was going to be the beginning of my year and I meant it.  I didn’t go into detail, but I knew what that meant.  I was going to take time for me, as hard as it is, I was going to start to take the advice I often give to my clients, and make time for myself-guilt free.  Why? Because I was a ball of stress, miserable, exhausted, not-wanting-to leave the house-version of myself.  Yep.  I am sure I will post more on that eventually.

Every once and awhile you get to a point where it becomes hard to stay as positive as everyone thinks you are all of the time. Sure you can keep posting inspirational quotes and photos and hope that it lifts someone else’s spirit for the day. But what happens when no one responds? When there are crickets? Complete crickets? Or when we are afraid of putting ourselves out there and facing judgment? Let me share a couple recent examples of what I mean. 

This past Friday after a long week, I wanted to do something to kick off the weekend on a fun note for my coworkers.  I mean we all go to work, every day, and for the most part get sucked into the day and work hard.  I try my best to bring some fun to the workplace.  I created a couple “Elf Yourself” videos of our team and sent to the company and…crickets could be heard.  I mean really?  I was feeling like, I took the time to make you stop during the monotony of your day to laugh—to put a smile on your face and you don’t even acknowledge it? You didn’t have time to open it?  Really? Now I know you have probably looked at your phone over a dozen times.  So I started thinking, what am I doing and why? Was I having a rough week and I just needed the reprieve and laugh? Does no one else really need a break and a good reason to smile every now and then?  I’m at a loss.  I am the type of person that would respond so I just don’t get it.  All I know is that it completely de-motivated me. 

Also last week, I began a video journal to document my struggle with migraines and the decision to try Botox injections for treatment.  I decided to do this because I went into a panic the night before my appointment, and I found myself on YouTube looking at videos from others in similar situations as myself to learn my fate and what to expect.  They helped calm me.  I figured this would be a way for me to help someone else, as well as a way for me to document my progress for my own record.  Now unless you really know me, you may not even know I have migraines, because I very rarely complain about them-or complain at all.  When I was making the videos I must have recorded myself a ton of times because I hated the way I looked or sounded, my husband and kids made comments (mostly out of love, kidding with me) about how I was making a stupid video and no one was going to watch them anyway. So of course they think they are funny and mean well—but I did start to think maybe I shouldn’t bother and I started to doubt myself.  Feeling completely unmotivated and deflated in my hope to maybe help someone else that may be on the same path as me for a solution.

So here I am back to my original question, how do you stay motivated and positive when others just don’t seem to get where you are coming from? When you seem to be the one on a totally different planet at times? I have been pondering this all weekend.  After thinking more about it, I realized that I was doing this ultimately for me.  I was keeping a promise I made to myself.  I decided then that I didn’t care—I was going to continue doing things for me, even if I am the only one laughing with the rest of the crickets.

I know what I need to do-and it’s not to quit.  Don’t worry about being judged.  Let it just fuel you to work harder and out work everyone. I need to continue to focus on me and what will make me laugh and keep me sane.  What will make me happy and make me feel good about myself and my path.  Screw it if everyone else isn’t on board.  Just start taking it one day at a time. We should be more concerned with lifting one another up and supporting each other as much as we can.

I pledge to myself that no matter what I am going through, I will keep trying to make life just a little bit better for others. Because you just don’t know when you can change someone else’s life or your own life for the better. 

#justkeepclapping