Whatever is Meant for me Remains-My Year 41 in Review

"What was your greatest loss this year?"
"Nothing, whatever was meant for me remained, whatever was not meant for me left."

I saw this quote posted on Instagram and the timing of it could not have been more fitting or perfect.

Every year around this time I look back and reflect on how the year has treated me since my last birthday.  I have been in awe of 2019 and it will go down as a year that I won't soon forget.  I am grateful for the many blessings I have experienced this year: Job promotion, new book that made it to the Amazon Best Seller's list, named "a new fierce female modern healer" by Organic Spa Magazine, published contributions and articles in various magazines and media sources, published contributions to other collaborative book projects, Woman of the Year runner-up for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society where I learned that I am capable of doing much more than I ever thought possible.

Usually though when so much good floods our way, we wait in apprehension for the other shoe to drop.  I vowed that as uncanny as it was that I seemed to experience so many good things in such a short amount of time, that I would make a conscious effort to remain positive.

Sometimes the universe has other plans.  I should have listened to the knot in my stomach that seemed to emerge at the end of May.  I started to have this unsettled and stressed feeling and could not attach it to anything so disregarded it.  Well, end of June rolled around and the other shoe dropped and hit me like a ton of bricks.  I was taken by surprise and laid off from the position I had been promoted to at the beginning of the year due to a 'reduction in workforce'.

So many emotions occurred in such a short span of time.  The shock, disbelief, denial, panic, sadness, anger and fear were all overwhelming.  I felt as though I went through the stages of grieving and was consumed by the fear of the unknown.  I asked myself a million questions, went through all sorts of insecurities in my head, feelings of inadequacy and more.

I felt myself spiraling downward and depressed, and then one morning about a month later, I woke up with a whole new outlook.  Instead of perceiving this as a failure, I started to see it as an opportunity to regroup.  My belief is that this was an opportunity for me to reevaluate where I have been and where I want to go moving forward.  What lights me up? What excites me? What is going to make me want to get up every morning with passion? I am seeing this setback as a blessing, as hard as it is to keep that mindset - I am committed to it.

I am ready for this new chapter in my life.  I am excited about what lies ahead and feel that I am headed into my 42nd year with a clean canvas that I can design as I wish.

I want to sincerely thank all of my family, friends and colleagues for checking in on me, for your support and unwavering belief in me. Here's to what is meant to remain and what is meant to be.